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The best selection of jokes you can find in the internet.

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Male vs. Female

Jokes about Men

  • Q. How do you know if a man is sexually active?
    A. He's breathing____________new!
    (Nickname: SEXY)
  • Q.What is the difference between a man and E.T?
    A. E.T phones home____________new!
    (Nickname: SEXY)
  • Q.How do you get to a mans heart?
    A.With an axe or a knife
    (Nickname: SEXY) ____________new!
  • Fact.Men are living proof women can take a joke
    (Nickname: SEXY) __________good!____________new!
  • Q.What does a man consider a 7 Course meal?
    A. A hotdog and a 6 pack
    (Nickname: SEXY) ____________new!
  • Q. What do you call the useless fatty tissue at the end of the penis?
    A. A man__________good!
    (Nickname: SEXY) ____________new!
  • what's the difference between a man and a toilet?
    A toilet doesn't follow you around after you've used it.____________new!
  • What did God say after he made man?
    I can do better.____________new!
  • Q: what is a man called with a half a brain?
    A: gifted!!!____________new!
  • Q: How many men does it take to change a roll of toilet paper?
    A: No one knows. It's never been done.
  • Q: Why do women fake orgasms?
    A: Because men fake foreplay!__________good!
  • Q: how many men does it take to screw in a light balb?
    A: 101, 1 to hold it and the outher hundred to try to make the room turn!
  • Q: Why don't men have trouble with Hemorrhoids?
    A: God made man the perfect asshole!
  • Q: What do you call a man who does housework?
    A: nonexistent
  • Q: Did you know that all men are born with a birth defect?
    A: an "X" chromosome!
  • Q: What do you call a man that lost all of his intelligence?
    A: A widow.
  • Q: Why do men have holes in their penis?
    A: So they can get oxygen to their brains._________good!
  • Q: Why do men snore when they lay on there backs?
    A:There balls fall over there asshole and they vapor lock.
  • Q. Why was the blondes bellybutton sore?
    A. Her boyfriend was blond too.
  • Q.Whatīs common between men and microwave oven?
    A.They get hot in 2 minutes!
  • Three blondes are walking on the beach.. Find genie lamp...
    Genie says "look girls, there are three of you.. so only ONE wish each!
    1st blonde says "Genie, I think that I would like to be a little bit smarter"
    ... POOF!!! She is a REDHEAD!
    2nd blonde says "Genie,... I think I would like to be a little smarter still!"
    ...POOF!!! She is a BRUNETTE!
    3rd blonde says "Genie... I have been a blonde ALL my life!..Men buy me
    cars,..give me money,...and jewels... I think I would like to be a little DUMBER!!"
    ...POOF!!! She is a MAN!!__________good!
  • Q: Why do men like dumb blonde jokes?
    A: Because they can understand them

Jokes about Women

  • Q. Did you hear about the new blonde paint?
    A. It's not real bright, but its cheap, and spreads easy. .

  • Q. What does a blonde say after multiple orgasms?
    A. "Way to go team!" .

  • Q. What does a blonde say when you ask her what the last two words of the
    national anthem are?
    A. Play ball! .

  • Q: What does a blond and the Bermuda Triangle have in common?
    A: They both suck up seamen.

  • Q: What's the difference betwwen a blonde and a mosquito?
    A: The mosquito stops sucking when you slap it.

  • Why do men give their dicks pet names?
    They don't want to leave all their thinking up to a total stranger.

  • Why did God make Women?
    Beer can't cook

  • Why do women have arms?
    Could you imagine licking a bathroom clean?

  • Q: Why couldn't Helen Keller drive?
    A: She's a woman. __________good!

  • Q: why were shopping carts invented?
    A: To teach women to walk on their hind legs! __________good!

  • Q: What do you call a blond with two brain cells?
    A: Pregnant!!! __________good!
    (Nickname: Foxx0523)

  • Q.How do you make a woman orgasm ?
    A. Who cares !

  • Adam felt quite alone in the Garden Eden, so God offered to make a woman for
    him. 'What do you expect from her?', the Lord asks. 'Well, she has to be
    beautiful and intelligent, but not be jealous. She must be able the cook very
    well, never have migrane and always be in a good mood. 'That will cost you
    both legs and one arm.', says God. 'What do you I get for a rib?', asks Adam.

  • My wife gives me sound advice.
    That's 99% sound and 1% advice.

  • What do you call a line of blondes standing shoulder to shoulder?
    A wind tunnel!

  • Q: Why do women fake orgasims?
    A: They think men care.
    (Nickname: Pros)

  • There are 2 blond women walking along, when they come across tracks. one woman sais to the other. "I know these...these are wolf tracks". "No" the other replies, "these are bear tracks". "No No", sais the first.."these are wolf tracks", the second replies,"I know these,
    trust me, these are bear tracks". 45 minutes later they both get hit by a train.
    (Nickname: Pros)

  • Q: Why did GOD create blondes?
    A: Sheep couldn't bring beer from the fridge.

  • Q: Why did GOD create brunettes?
    A: Blondes couldn't either.

  • Why is beer better than women?
    Because once you take it's top off it don't run away
    (Nickname: BALLISTIC)

  • Q: how many male shovanists does it take to change a light bulb in a kitchen
    A: none, she can cook in the dark

  • A blonde went to the doctor because she had a cold. The doctor came back
    and said: "Congratulations, your having a baby". "I hope it's not mine.", said she. ______good!

  • Q: How does a blonde turn on the lights in the morning?
    A: Opens the car door.
    (Nickname: Creep)

  • Q: Why don't women need a drivers license?
    A: There's not a road between the kitchen and the bedroom

  • Q: How are women a lot like condoms?
    A: They both spend a lot more time in your wallet than on your dick __________good!

  • Q: Why was the blonde so excited when she put the jigsaw puzzle together in 6 months?
    A: Because the box said 2-4 years.

  • A blonde has been planning this trip to Louisianna for a while. She gets there and decides to buy some official alligator skin shoes. She goes into the store and the clerk tells her the price. She says, "THOSE COST WAY TO MUCH. I AM GOING TO KILL MY OWN ALLIGATOR AND GET ALLIGATOR SHOES!" So the store clerk spots the women waist deep in the swamp with a shotgun pointing it right down the nose of a gator coming right for her. Surprisingly she shoots and kills it. She drags it to the shore where there are six more gators! Then the clerk hears her yell, "OH MAN! THIS ONE ISN'T WEARING SHOES EITHER!"

  • how many men does it take to clean a toilet?
    none it's a woman's job.

  • Your dog's barking at the back door. Your wife's barking at the front. Who do you let in? Well, it's your call... but the dog'll stop barking when you let him in.

  • Did you hear about the Barbie doll ?
    It's called Divorce Barbie. She comes with all of Ken's stuff.

  • Q.Whatīs common between a woman and a parachute.?
    A.If it does not open, itīs useless.

  • Q: What do you call a dumb blonde behind a steering wheel?
    A: An Air Bag

  • Q: How do blonde braincells die ?
    A: Alone__________good!

  • Q: What did the blonde say when she knocked over the priceless Ming vase?
    A: It's OK Daddy, I'm not hurt

  • Q: How can you tell when a FAX had been sent from a blonde?
    A: There is a stamp on it

  • Q: Why can't blondes put in light bulbs?
    A: They keep breaking them with the hammers

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