The Abyss of Jokes
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The best selection of jokes you can find in the internet.

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Animal Jokes

  • Why did the elephant paint himself all-different colors?
    So he could hide in the crayon box____________new!
  • Why is an elephant gray, large and wrinkled?
    Because, if it were small, round and white, it would be an aspirin. ____________new!
  • What would you get if Batman and Robin were run over by a herd of stampeding elephants?
    Flatman and Ribbon. ____________new!
  • What's the difference between a mosquito and a fly? A mosquito can fly, but a fly can't mosquito.
  • If you pull the wings off of a fly, does it become a walk?
  • One day, a young camel decided to ask his father some questions about growing up. 'Daddy, why is it that we have humps on our backs?' 'Well son, we have humps on our backs which contain fat to sustain us through many days when we are out in the desert.'
    'Oh thanks, Dad!' says the youngster. He then asks, 'Daddy, why is it that we have long eye lashes over our eyes?' 'Well son,' says the father, 'in the desert, there are many sandstorms which whip up a lot of sand which can get into our eyes. The long eye lashes protect our eyes from being blinded.'
    'Oh thanks, Dad!' says the youngster. 'Dad, why is it that we have great big padded feet?' 'Well son, in the desert, the sand is very soft and we need big feet to be able to walk on the sand without our feet sinking into the soft sand.'
    'Well thanks, Dad, but what the heck are we doing in London Zoo?'
  • Mom: We can't keep a horse in the house. Think of the smell.
    Son: Don't worry. They'll get used to it!

  • A cat dies and goes to Heaven. God meets him at the gate and says, 'You've been a good cat all of these years. Anything you desire is yours, all you have to do is ask.'
    The cats says, 'Well, I lived all my life with a poor family on a farm and had to sleep on hardwood floors.' God says, 'Say no more.' And instantly, a fluffy pillow appears. A few days later, 6 mice are killed in a tragic accident and they go to Heaven. God meets them at the gate with the same offer that He made the cat.
    The mice said, 'All our lives we've had to run. We've been chased by cats, dogs and even women with brooms. If we could only have a pair of roller skates, we wouldn't have to run anymore.' God says, 'Say no more.' And instantly, each mouse is fitted with a beautiful pair of tiny roller skates.
    About a week later, God decides to check and see how the cat is doing. The cat is sound asleep on his new pillow. God gently wakes him and asks,
    'How are you doing? Are you happy here?'
    The cat yawns and stretches and says, 'Oh, I've never been happier in my life. And those Meals on Wheels you've been sending over are the best!
  • A penguin is driving down the road when his car starts to give him all kinds of trouble...the engine sputters, steam pours out of his hood and there's fluids pouring out on the road. He pulls into a garage and the mechanic tells him it'll be at least a half-hour until he can even tell him what the problem is.
    The penguin walks around, has a cup of coffee and then comes across an ice cream shop, where he orders a double vanilla cone, getting it all over his face. He goes back to the garage and asks the mechanic if he's found the problem.
    The mechanic looks up and tells him 'Looks like you've blown a seal.'
    The penguin says 'No! Really, I just had an ice cream cone!'
  • Ed was a successful computer programmer and a happy family man. His life was blessed with a loving wife, 2 kids, three cats and a dog.
    Ed loved taking Rusty the dog for his evening walk and was proud when his son, little Johnny, began asking to go along on Rusty's evening walks.
    Little Johnny was an observant and curious child and one evening asked his father: 'Daddy, why does Rusty always sniff that phone pole when we take him for his walk?'
    Well, Ed wasn't sure how he should answer his son. How DOES one explain the way animals mark their territory to a 6-year-old? Stalling for time Ed asked: 'What do you think he's doing Johnny?'
    Johnny frowned in concentration, then brightened and said: 'I know! I Know! He's checking his P-Mail!'