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Animal Jokes
- Why did the elephant paint himself all-different
colors?
So he could hide in the crayon box____________new!
- Why is an elephant gray, large and wrinkled?
Because, if it were small, round and white, it
would be an aspirin. ____________new!
- What would you get if Batman and Robin were run
over by a herd of stampeding elephants?
Flatman and Ribbon. ____________new!
- What's the difference between a mosquito and a
fly? A mosquito can fly, but a fly can't
mosquito.
- If you pull the wings off of a fly, does it
become a walk?
- One day, a young camel decided to ask his father
some questions about growing up. 'Daddy, why is
it that we have humps on our backs?' 'Well son,
we have humps on our backs which contain fat to
sustain us through many days when we are out in
the desert.'
'Oh thanks, Dad!' says the youngster. He then
asks, 'Daddy, why is it that we have long eye
lashes over our eyes?' 'Well son,' says the
father, 'in the desert, there are many sandstorms
which whip up a lot of sand which can get into
our eyes. The long eye lashes protect our eyes
from being blinded.'
'Oh thanks, Dad!' says the youngster. 'Dad, why
is it that we have great big padded feet?' 'Well
son, in the desert, the sand is very soft and we
need big feet to be able to walk on the sand
without our feet sinking into the soft sand.'
'Well thanks, Dad, but what the heck are we doing
in London Zoo?'
- Mom: We can't keep a horse in the house. Think of the smell.
Son: Don't worry. They'll get used to it!
- A cat dies and goes to Heaven. God
meets him at the gate and says, 'You've been a
good cat all of these years. Anything you desire
is yours, all you have to do is ask.'
The cats says, 'Well, I lived all my life with a
poor family on a farm and had to sleep on
hardwood floors.' God says, 'Say no more.' And
instantly, a fluffy pillow appears. A few days
later, 6 mice are killed in a tragic accident and
they go to Heaven. God meets them at the gate
with the same offer that He made the cat.
The mice said, 'All our lives we've had to run.
We've been chased by cats, dogs and even women
with brooms. If we could only have a pair of
roller skates, we wouldn't have to run anymore.'
God says, 'Say no more.' And instantly, each
mouse is fitted with a beautiful pair of tiny
roller skates.
About a week later, God decides to check and see
how the cat is doing. The cat is sound asleep on
his new pillow. God gently wakes him and asks,
'How are you doing? Are you happy here?'
The cat yawns and stretches and says, 'Oh, I've
never been happier in my life. And those Meals on
Wheels you've been sending over are the best!
- A penguin is driving down the road
when his car starts to give him all kinds of
trouble...the engine sputters, steam pours out of
his hood and there's fluids pouring out on the
road. He pulls into a garage and the mechanic
tells him it'll be at least a half-hour until he
can even tell him what the problem is.
The penguin walks around, has a cup of coffee and
then comes across an ice cream shop, where he
orders a double vanilla cone, getting it all over
his face. He goes back to the garage and asks the
mechanic if he's found the problem.
The mechanic looks up and tells him 'Looks like
you've blown a seal.'
The penguin says 'No! Really, I just had an ice
cream cone!'
- Ed was a successful computer
programmer and a happy family man. His life was
blessed with a loving wife, 2 kids, three cats
and a dog.
Ed loved taking Rusty the dog for his evening
walk and was proud when his son, little Johnny,
began asking to go along on Rusty's evening
walks.
Little Johnny was an observant and curious child
and one evening asked his father: 'Daddy, why
does Rusty always sniff that phone pole when we
take him for his walk?'
Well, Ed wasn't sure how he should answer his
son. How DOES one explain the way animals mark
their territory to a 6-year-old? Stalling for
time Ed asked: 'What do you think he's doing
Johnny?'
Johnny frowned in concentration, then brightened
and said: 'I know! I Know! He's checking his
P-Mail!'
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