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Male vs. Female
Jokes
about Men
- Q. How do you know if a man is sexually
active?
A. He's breathing____________new!
(Nickname: SEXY)
- Q.What is the difference between a man
and E.T?
A. E.T phones home____________new!
(Nickname: SEXY)
- Q.How do you get to a mans heart?
A.With an axe or a knife
(Nickname: SEXY) ____________new!
- Fact.Men are living proof women can take
a joke
(Nickname: SEXY) __________good!____________new!
- Q.What does a man consider a 7 Course
meal?
A. A hotdog and a 6 pack
(Nickname: SEXY) ____________new!
- Q. What do you call the useless fatty
tissue at the end of the penis?
A. A man__________good!
(Nickname: SEXY) ____________new!
- what's the difference between a man and a
toilet?
A toilet doesn't follow you around after
you've used it.____________new!
- What did God say after he made man?
I can do better.____________new!
- Q: what is a man called with a half a
brain?
A: gifted!!!____________new!
- Q: How many men does it take to change a
roll of toilet paper?
A: No one knows. It's never been done.
- Q: Why do women fake orgasms?
A: Because men fake foreplay!__________good!
- Q: how many men does it take to screw in
a light balb?
A: 101, 1 to hold it and the outher
hundred to try to make the room turn!
- Q: Why don't men have trouble with
Hemorrhoids?
A: God made man the perfect asshole!
- Q: What do you call a man who does
housework?
A: nonexistent
- Q: Did you know that all men are born
with a birth defect?
A: an "X" chromosome!
- Q: What do you call a man that lost all
of his intelligence?
A: A widow.
- Q: Why do men have holes in their penis?
A: So they can get oxygen to their
brains._________good!
- Q: Why do men snore when they lay on
there backs?
A:There balls fall over there asshole and
they vapor lock.
- Q. Why was the blondes bellybutton sore?
A. Her boyfriend was blond too.
- Q.Whatīs common between men and
microwave oven?
A.They get hot in 2 minutes!
- Three blondes are walking on the beach..
Find genie lamp...
Genie says "look girls, there are
three of you.. so only ONE wish each!
1st blonde says "Genie, I think that
I would like to be a little bit
smarter"
... POOF!!! She is a REDHEAD!
2nd blonde says "Genie,... I think I
would like to be a little smarter
still!"
...POOF!!! She is a BRUNETTE!
3rd blonde says "Genie... I have
been a blonde ALL my life!..Men buy me
cars,..give me money,...and jewels... I
think I would like to be a little
DUMBER!!"
...POOF!!! She is a MAN!!__________good!
- Q: Why do men like dumb blonde jokes?
A: Because they can understand them
Jokes
about Women
Q.
Did you hear about the new blonde paint?
A. It's not real bright, but its cheap,
and spreads easy. .____________new!
Q.
What does a blonde say after multiple
orgasms?
A. "Way to go team!" .____________new!
Q.
What does a blonde say when you ask her
what the last two words of the
national anthem are?
A. Play ball! .____________new!
Q:
What does a blond and the Bermuda
Triangle have in common?
A: They both suck up seamen.____________new!
Q:
What's the difference betwwen a blonde
and a mosquito?
A: The mosquito stops sucking when you
slap it.____________new!
Why
do men give their dicks pet names?
They don't want to leave all their
thinking up to a total stranger.____________new!
Why
did God make Women?
Beer can't cook____________new!
Why
do women have arms?
Could you imagine licking a bathroom
clean?
Q: Why couldn't Helen
Keller drive?
A: She's a woman. __________good!
Q: why were shopping
carts invented?
A: To teach women to walk on their hind
legs! __________good!
Q: What do you call a
blond with two brain cells?
A: Pregnant!!! __________good!
(Nickname: Foxx0523)
Q.How do you make a woman
orgasm ?
A. Who cares !
Adam felt quite alone in
the Garden Eden, so God offered to make a
woman for
him. 'What do you expect from her?', the
Lord asks. 'Well, she has to be
beautiful and intelligent, but not be
jealous. She must be able the cook very
well, never have migrane and always be in
a good mood. 'That will cost you
both legs and one arm.', says God. 'What
do you I get for a rib?', asks Adam.
____________good!
What do you call a line
of blondes standing shoulder to shoulder?
A wind tunnel!
Q: Why do women fake
orgasims?
A: They think men care.
(Nickname: Pros)
There are 2 blond women
walking along, when they come across
tracks. one woman sais to the other.
"I know these...these are wolf
tracks". "No" the other
replies, "these are bear
tracks". "No No", sais the
first.."these are wolf tracks",
the second replies,"I know these,
trust me, these are bear tracks". 45
minutes later they both get hit by a
train.
(Nickname: Pros)
Q: Why did GOD create
blondes?
A: Sheep couldn't bring beer from the
fridge.
Q: Why did GOD create
brunettes?
A: Blondes couldn't either.
Why is beer better than
women?
Because once you take it's top off it
don't run away
(Nickname: BALLISTIC)
Q: how many male
shovanists does it take to change a light
bulb in a kitchen
A: none, she can cook in the dark
A blonde went to the
doctor because she had a cold. The doctor
came back
and said: "Congratulations, your
having a baby". "I hope it's
not mine.", said she. ______good!
Q: How does a blonde turn
on the lights in the morning?
A: Opens the car door.
(Nickname: Creep)
Q: Why don't women need a
drivers license?
A: There's not a road between the kitchen
and the bedroom
Q: How are women a lot
like condoms?
A: They both spend a lot more time in
your wallet than on your dick __________good!
Q: Why was the blonde so
excited when she put the jigsaw puzzle
together in 6 months?
A: Because the box said 2-4 years.
A blonde has been
planning this trip to Louisianna for a
while. She gets there and decides to buy
some official alligator skin shoes. She
goes into the store and the clerk tells
her the price. She says, "THOSE COST
WAY TO MUCH. I AM GOING TO KILL MY OWN
ALLIGATOR AND GET ALLIGATOR SHOES!"
So the store clerk spots the women waist
deep in the swamp with a shotgun pointing
it right down the nose of a gator coming
right for her. Surprisingly she shoots
and kills it. She drags it to the shore
where there are six more gators! Then the
clerk hears her yell, "OH MAN! THIS
ONE ISN'T WEARING SHOES EITHER!"
how many men does it take
to clean a toilet?
none it's a woman's job.
Your dog's barking at the
back door. Your wife's barking at the
front. Who do you let in? Well, it's your
call... but the dog'll stop barking when
you let him in.
Did you hear about the
Barbie doll ?
It's called Divorce Barbie. She comes
with all of Ken's stuff.
Q.Whatīs common between
a woman and a parachute.?
A.If it does not open, itīs useless.
Q: What do you call a
dumb blonde behind a steering wheel?
A: An Air Bag
Q: How do blonde
braincells die ?
A: Alone__________good!
Q: What did the blonde
say when she knocked over the priceless
Ming vase?
A: It's OK Daddy, I'm not hurt
Q: How can you tell when
a FAX had been sent from a blonde?
A: There is a stamp on it
Q: Why can't blondes put
in light bulbs?
A: They keep breaking them with the
hammers
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